Over the years many of you have commented that I always know what to say or write, that what I said or have written has helped in some way.

Today words fail me, today I am putting together words that NO parent should ever need to write, but I am going to try.

Bj came into the world early and in a hurry, I think his beloved friend Nelle (or Janelle as she is really called) is eternally grateful that she did not have to play midwife after we were sitting having a yarn while the kids played and I kept getting pains which I had no idea were contractions

From the moment he was born though he simply was on fast forward. It is almost as if for some reason he knew he had to pack a lot in while he could. He loved Cody and Emma and his face would light up when they would come home from school. He was their shadow, constantly trying to keep up with them, do the same things as them and could not accept that being 8 years younger meant he couldn’t

He was so full of energy he loved his scooter and would spend ages riding it, no 3 wheel scooter for him he wanted the same as the big kids. His favourite spot to ride his scooter was at school in the afternoon while waiting for Emma and Cody as the uneven surface gave him the chance for tricks and stunts, as well, the older kids would play with him and show him things as well.

Bj loved to learn, he was wise beyond his years, he had a depth to his questions that often made me stop and think. He was a kid you had to give the real answer to as he just knew if what you said was not correct.

My beautiful boy was also cheeky and a ratbag, I remember one day I greeted him at kinder and he was really sad and did not want to go back. Why I asked as he LOVED kinder. Cause I got in trouble today, was the sheepish reply. Without knowing quite what had happened I said come on let’s talk to Miss Jayne and sort it out. Turns out they had been watching movies on the Ipad has it was a cold wet day, and when it was over instead of telling Miss Jayne , Bj (with some prompting) promptly played with the Ipad and they were sitting there playing some game. Head down you said sorry, but if you could have only seen how much Miss Jayne and I were smiling as it was something we were so much not surprised by and impressed you found on some one else’s Ipad. Another memorable kinder moment was when you flew though the air and bumped your nose. To this date no one has worked out how you flew so far.

Then it was time for school and at first you did not like it, why?? Because there was not enough time to play out side, after a while though you began to love it and would come home full of stories and tales of what happened, who did what and the thing you loved the most was The Musical. You loved to sing and dance and were so excited to have a costume and be on stage.

So much joy and so many moments that I could be here for hours. To my beautiful boy. Mummy is so very sorry for all your pain, for not being able to get the Dr’s to listen to me and really understand how yucky to felt. I tried so hard.

2016 has been the hardest year, I am inspired by the bravery, and dignity you showed. It was often commented to me that you coped with tests and treatments better than most adults would. I was sure that you were going to win this fight.

There are so many people and places to thank, Ronald McDonald House Monash for providing a home base for us when we were in hospital initially. Very Special Kids Hospice for not only giving us a safe place to be when I was so ill recently, but for the most special, caring and tranquil few hours on Saturday morning. If it was not so painful I would have said it was beautiful.

To the school communities of Cranbourne South Primary, Elisabeth Murdoch College and Langwarrin Primary schools, I say thank you. Thank you for the visits, cards, thoughts and simply being the amazing families you are.

Make a Wish, especially my wish Fairies Darcie and Donna. Thank you for all you have done, even when you came to VSK to see him etc his face lit up and playing on SnapChat with Darcie totally made his afternoon. Also thank you to Darcie’s Uncle Dan who had the contacts to create a truly special day

I would like to thank Cody and Emma. I have been so very proud of you both these past months. As hard as this has been on daddy and I, it has been so hard on you both as well. You both have stepped up, gotten yourselves off to school, arranged your lunches, dinners etc. You have watched your brother endure so much and felt the pain when he would scream or yell or would tell you to go away. He truly loved you both so much and really missed you while you were at school. So much pain and you had to do it without dad and I at times as we were so tied up with trying to help BJ. I am sorry if I have been absent so much, but you guys were so awesome. Knowing you were managing made things easier on us.

To our family and friends thank you so much for everything over the past 5 months. It has meant the world to us all.

Finally to my wonderful husband Shane, Thank you for being the wonderful father and husband you are. I know it was tearing you apart watching BJ in pain and suffer, that he would push you away yet as soon as you were gone he wanted you. You were able to not only be there for Benjamin and I, but Emma and Cody as well. This has been the hardest 8 months of our lives, but you were so awesome. I am so thankful for you being the person to be by my side on this most horrible of journey’s here is so much I could say but even if we spent the next 6 hours here it still could not be enough.

Sleep peacefully little man, remember what mummy told you. No more pain and no more feeling yucky. We will miss you more than you can know and this Big Nut Brown Hare is going to miss her Little Nut brown Hair but the answer to Guess how much I love you is… To the playground upstairs and back, my heart will always be with you.

Love mummy